Luke Samuel McTernan, also known as B3, was born 6 pounds and 3 ounces. Because he was breech until he arrived, we didn’t get a good look at his face on any ultrasounds, but as it turns out, he has bright, dark eyes that look both perplexed and amazed most of the time, a little upturned nose, a bow mouth. His long, black hair, which we did see waving back and forth on the ultrasound, now forms funny sideburns and sticks out at tufty angles; his head smells like vanilla and warm cookies, the best, most addictive remedy for any baby blues. He likes to punch his fist into the air in his sleep in what looks like his best tribute to Bender in The Breakfast Club, a gesture I recognize from when a small knob used to protrude on the left side of my belly a few times a day. He has the pillowiest, most ponderous cheeks — the first thing I touched when I held him for the first time. In short, we are in love with him.
The day we got home from the hospital, we were amazed by how everything was just as we left it: a gigantic half-eaten jar of Utz Pub Mix on the counter, two pounds of flank steak that ended up defrosting in the refrigerator for four days more than I’d planned (sad face), a bottle of water on the desk in my quest to give Luke plenty of amniotic fluid in his last few weeks in his old house (my belly). It’s already hard for me to imagine what it was like the last time we were there, running around like chickens with our heads cut off, throwing last-minute things into the car for a C-section that we didn’t think would happen for another week (potentially more on that later). But now we’re back, with this little guy. Where before I feel like life was measured in billing clients in six-minute increments and turning drafts of briefs, now it’s feedings per day and the number of soiled diapers and the next pediatrician appointment. It’s both more consuming and so much more beautifully simple than it’s ever been, a delirious kind of happiness that I’m sure is both from joy and sleep deprivation, but the best kind nonetheless.
Obviously, I’d be lying if I said we didn’t have our rough moments here and there — Luke is incredibly peaceful during the day, to the point where sometimes we get antsy with how still he is, but he fusses a bit at night (and so far we have done a terrible job of following the advice that everyone has told us, to sleep when the baby sleeps — but it’s so sunny and nice and idyllic! And we can catch up on Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Westworld!) I also had these inexplicable pangs of sadness in the first few days that were so salient but so totally incongruous with the joy from the vanilla-scented little bundle in my lap, I cried my heart out at the weirdest moments, and for the first time maybe ever, I snapped at my sweetest mother-in-law — more than once! — like when she wanted to soothe Luke and I wanted to do it myself. (I’m super embarrassed about this. I hope it can fade into oblivion as quickly as possible.) I don’t know if these things will make a reappearance, I’m sure they could, but I do feel like I woke up from a weird dream after a few days and felt so much more myself (and also mortified, like, was that really me? My conversation with B2: “Oh no, I’ve been such a bitch the last few days.” “That’s okay, you did just make a person.” “Wait, so I have been a bitch the last few days? Oh no.”)
In these early days, I’ve been subscribing to a kind of funny hybrid of the postpartum traditions from my Chinese side and B2’s Korean side. They’re not too different, and mostly boil down to staying really warm, not going barefoot (weirdly, I hate socks, so this is not my favorite!), and eating a lot, a lot of hot soup. (I am, however, showering, though I won’t say how frequently.) My mom drives two hours to drop off chicken and wood ear soup and pork knuckle soup for me, shrimp with green peas and beef short ribs for everyone else, and my mother-in-law, who is staying with us for a few weeks, has been making pot after pot of Korean seaweed soup, which is supposed to (and I really think does) cleanse your body and give you tons of iron and nutrients for feeding baby. I can’t stop telling everyone who will listen how weird and cool it is that my cravings have totally changed since pregnancy — where all I wanted was cheesy carbs and pizza and sweets then, all I want now are these old, comforting Asian traditions that feel like they are a part of me and a part of Luke, gentle foods that warm from the inside out and feel like they’re so good for our little one.
Speaking of feeding, I was convinced that I wasn’t going to be able to nurse Luke, somehow, but it seems like (knock on wood knock on wood) it’s been going well so far, which has been a huge relief. He seems like he loves eating and usually nurses until he passes out, looking hilariously like a guy who’s had one too many on a Saturday night. (In a case of Not the Best Parents Ever, we like to wave his limp fists around at this point and pretend like he’s saying things like, “No.. I’m okay.. Just give me, hic, just one more beer,” while cracking up uncontrollably.) True to form, I’m already paranoid that I won’t keep it up, so I’ve been scarfing every galactagogue (best word ever) I can find and making these lactation cookies for midnight snacks.
B2 has been a trooper. He is the diaper change expert, since I’m just now starting to be able to bend over comfortably and do it. He has heart-to-hearts with B3 while inspecting the color of his poo and makes up song after song to lull him to sleep in the middle of the night. He’s been the super-est of super-dads. On top of that, he distracted me during the C-section when I was terrified, and when it was hard to get out of bed the first few days afterward, brought me water, and more water, and more water, and my phone, and that blanket, and more water. He has treated me like I was beautiful and capable and ready for this every step of the way, especially when I felt anything but. (I think the one objection I have is that it has never been more inconvenient to have a husband who makes me laugh uncontrollably as when I am trying not to bust stitches from ab surgery.) I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than when Luke is asleep on my chest and B2 on my shoulder — my whole world in a few square feet. I’m already sad for when B2’s much, much, much shorter paternity leave ends and I can’t confine my world to our sunny apartment.
So I think that’s it for now, though I feel like I already can’t remember anything I’ve typed. We are so grateful for all the help, love, and support we’ve received along the way to make this wild ride more manageable. We loved our experience at Cedars-Sinai and thought everybody there was amazing. It’s incredible how much they give you to help you feel less overwhelmed for this crazy new experience, from diapers (because we somehow bought a size that is huge on Luke — pretty sure it was the smallest size available, though?!) to changing pads to a mini bottle of Johnson’s baby wash. One nurse in particular, who took care of me on the day after the C-section when the pain was worst and who felt like a surrogate auntie to us by the time her shift ended, brought us an entire Santa-style sack of extra diapers and gauze wipes to take home, even though we were still two days away from being discharged. Miyun, where can we find you to thank you again?! Ah.
Weirdly, we’re already severely nostalgic for these first few days, even though B3 does hardly anything but eat, sleep, and poop (and also make hilarious faces while eating, sleeping, or pooping). I thought I’d be impatient for the days when he’ll start to smile and show his little personality, but instead I think we could live forever with this tiny bub just the way he is, a feeling I’ve read about but just now am starting to understand. It’s the kind of thing that makes it worth not sleeping, because we get more time to savor this person that, crazily, is finally in our lives.
originalapplejunkie
He is absolutely GORGEOUS! Super super congratulations – Hope you are healing well and I love he does little fist punches in the air when sleeping – how adorable!
Blessings to you, B2 and Baby Luke (B3) xxx
MaryJo
Beautiful photos; beautiful baby; beautiful family; so happy for you!
E | Pen + Pan
When your previous post arrived earlier than expected, I had a feeling little Luke must be on the way. Congratulations to you, B2, and the rest of the family!
Susan Martin
Beautiful ❤️
joanelyia
I’ve been following you for a while now,and have loved the recipes you share. Now it’s Baby Bowl that has captured my heart! What a beautiful little being! Thank you so much for sharing him (and your experiences) with us. I’ve always looked forward to your next post – now even more so. Peace On Forever!
PAPER/PLATES (@paperplatesblog)
This is beautiful — I’m so happy for you all. Congratulations 🙂
Anonymous
Congratulations! The stork brought my little one earlier this month and it has been insane; I don’t know how you had time and energy to write a whole blog post, but I loved reading it. You’re so lucky to have family close by to help. B3 is adorable
AnnMarie
I’ve never had a baby, nor am I Korean, but I lived in Korea for a few years and seaweed soup is no joke! It makes me feel like everything is going to be alright. And it tastes delicious!
Congratulations on B3! What a sweetheart – that hair, and those cheeks, and those tiny hands! Enjoy this special time. 😊
Gerlinde
Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy.
Warm Vanilla Sugar
Such a wonderful post! Sending big hugs and bigger congratulations to you and your fam!
Brooke
He is so beautiful – congratulations to your family! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Liane Babb
Congratulations, such an amazing gift. And welcome to the world, baby Luke. You are absolutely beautiful!!!
Fork to Belly
He is the absolute cutest. So so so happy for you and your entire gorgeous little family, Cynthia! HI BABY BOWL!!! Sending you so much love and hugs through the internet!
Katie
Congratulations!!! He’s lovely (an inadequate, but extremely true word).
sundiegoeats
Congratulations!!!! This was such a beautiful read 🙂 And that look he’s giving in the black and white picture – so sneaky 😛
Lisa
He’s absolutely adorable and loved reading your story Cynthia! Big congrats to you and the fam. Can’t wait to read more about baby bowl as he continues to grow. 🙂 xo
Limner
Congratulations! Your newest family member will help you realize a different love you never imagined was already inside you, waiting to be expressed. Three red bowls are something else, huh?
Be well.
billmacblog
Well a hearty congratulation to all the B’s – I wish all three of you good health, good life, love and luck- OBTW as a father of five, this changes EVERYTHING- Coming in just a few weeks, your FIRST THANKSGIVING as a FAMILY- Bravo
DisplacedHousewife
This is…so beautiful. So many congratulations. xo
southernsouffleblog
Oh My Dear!!! Congratulations!! Welcome to the world Luke. He is just beautiful! I just loved reading this. So so happy for y’all! xoxo
mandylee@ladyandpups
Best wishes to B1, 2, and 3. And to make you feel even better, I’m having a pretty postpartum shape myself these days. You rock.
Janine
Congratulations to the B’s, wishing you all the best! Enjoy all of the moments with the little one and keep all of the beautiful pictures coming! =)
Annie
Congrats!! He’s a gorgeous baby!!! What a wonderful post that made me feel warm and fuzzy thinking about when we first brought our wee ones home (now 2 years and 8 months). Good luck and it sounds like you’re already an old pro and loving momma. ❤️❤️
CaliZona
He is so precious!! Congratulations!! This was so much fun to read! Enjoy! xO
Sara @ Cake Over Steak
Congrats to the two of you!!! Oh my goodness, he’s so precious. I feel like that paternity/maternity leave time, right after returning from the hospital, when all you have to worry about is taking care of this new human while trying to take care of yourselves, must be one of the most magical times ever as a parent. Enjoy it while you can, and I hope this little guy brings you all the joy you deserve. Congrats!!! xoxoxoxo
pollyb64
Congratulations…. ! what stunning photos you have shared with us, thank you for this great post and enjoy family time …
Amanda | What's Cooking
Thank you for sharing that beautiful recounting of so many loaded moments. Congratulations to you guys and I’m so happy for you all. He’s beautiful and so are you guys. What a magical time you’re living in right now. Wishing you all the best. Sending my love.
Lyndsay // Coco Cake Land
Ohmigosh that little picture of him punching the air … total Bender!! You’ve described those first hazy, love-filled, freaked out and impossible days so perfectly – I love his hair so much … did I ever tell you I cried every day for the first, oh, three months of Teddy’s life? (so yes those crying/bitchy moments are truly normal)… Yet, those quiet, slow moments, and you’re in this beautiful surreal cocoon with this teensy human who is finally on the outside – it’s magic that no one could ever explain to another person quite exactly, it’s your magic! Enjoy this time, it’s so special, and it goes by so fast! BIG love to you three! XO
Sonia
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful experience ! After reading it I feel like I’m a friend or a part of your family! Congrats #
Nicole Dula
Ah! He is so sweet and your words are so true. The part about looking forward to the smile but then totally falling in love with their serious face is spot on. But you’ll completely melt when he smiles and the first laugh will leave your heart in a puddle. Many congrats to you!!
Courtney @ NeighborFood
You described those first few days so perfectly, I started having flashbacks! What a special and wild time it is. I’m glad to hear you’re soaking and savoring…it looks like there is much to savor on that little one! Those cheeks! That hair!!!
alexandrastafford
So many congrats, Cynthia! B3 is a doll! Hope you are getting some rest.
Ashley McLaughlin
Goodness! This post just warmed my heart. Sending you the biggest congrats and lots of love your way as you this new journey begins for you. I have to say, I’m pretty excited to be having our first babes so close together. Maybe we can have a blogland playgroup? hahaha 😉 Truly so happy for you and glad you are eating up these newborn days and finding comfort in food. I’m sure the first days were so intense, especially after a c-section. I think if you wouldn’t have snapped at anyone (especially with being so limited after surgery!), it would have been concerning. So don’t be too hard on yourself. HUGS, friend! xo
Gabrielle
He is so precious. Congratulations!
Considering The Radish
Congratulations! May you three have every happiness!
alanafixfeastflair
I’m not going to lie, I just cried my eyes out ‘cuz this is all so beautiful and sincere and goodness gracious is Luke adorable. Like the cutest of the cute and gosh, his hair, and that air punch fist is total Bender!!! LOVE. You are awesome and I can’t tell you three enough how happy I am for all of you. Welcome to the world, B3!!!
Emily
Such an absolutely beautiful post, Cynthia. He’s perfect in every way. Those first days truly are exhausting and yet so full of energy and overwhelming emotions. I remember being super snappy at others too during that tiring first month, but I’ve found that others are very willing to be gracious to new mamas. Here’s to new life and being gracious with yourself as well. xx
Shirley Nakawatase
Welcome Luke! May your life be filled with happiness. May you dream large and make a difference where you go.
Brooke Bass
He is perfect and beautiful and reading this just made me so incredibly happy, Cynthia! You sound like y’all are settling into new parenthood in every sense of the word. Speaking of words, yours were so poetic here, especially the first paragraph where you describe Luke’s sweet little features. I’m beyond overjoyed for your sweet Bowl family. Sending all the hugs your way. <3
tessahuff // style sweet ca
So beautiful!!! He is the sweetest little thing. Welcome to motherhood, Cynthia! It’s kind of the best thing ever. That baby smell fades waaaaay too soon, so be sure to suck it all up. Ahhh, enjoy it all, mamma!! xoxox
gottagetbaked
My dearest Cynthia. Congratulations go out to you and B2, from the bottom of my giddy, loving, bursting heart. These photos are gorgeous and B3 is beautiful! Don’t feel bad for being a bitch – let your bitch flag fly, girl! Everyone understands and if they don’t, that’s too damn bad. And B2 better keep up with the pampering 😉 Enjoy every sweet moment with your new lil one, dear friend. Love ya much!
cindyhgpv
He is perfect and amazing! It’s incredible how everything changes in an instant and your heart just aches with love. I had an amazing delivery nurse who wrangled a post-partum shift the next day to care for me. Reading about your nurse reminded me how generous and kind everyone was during those first hectic days. Congratulations to you all, Cynthia!!
Sis
One of the best new baby posts I’ve ever read. Congratulations, he is so perfect!
Lisa
Congratulations. I really miss the baby days. Do try to enjoy them as much as possible because the days are long but the years are short.
Maggie
Congratulations Cynthia! What a beautiful little peanut. That hair!
I had my first a little over a year ago and even though I constantly look back at early pictures and go “awww….” and we don’t get to cuddle so much anymore, it has been amazing watching her become someone with a personality, likes, dislikes, moods, screeches, giggles…good luck!! It has been crazy and wonderful and I hope it will be for you too.
Elizabeth
Congratulations Cynthia! You are doing *such* a fantastic job and little Luke has my heart 100 percent. He’s perfect. And YOU’RE perfect too. Be good to yourself and know that these moments are so tough. Sleep deprivation, crazy hormones, physical recovery, and one of the biggest life events possible are happening at the same time and it’s hard and so wonderful. I wish I could deliver some soup your way too, but I’m heartened to know you’re well cared for. Sending so much love your way as you make your way through early motherhood. xoxo
thefolia
Too precious! Enjoy these sweet times!
M'liss
So sweet. It’s like nothing you could have ever imagined. Enjoy every moment.
ursa53
yeah – all my best wishes to you and your loved ones
great fotos
lg birgit
Aysegul at www.foolproofliving.com
What a cutie! Congratulations!
Welcome to world B3!! 🙂
georgie@icookstuff
CONGRATULATIONS, what a wonderfully happy & joyous event ! He’s so beautiful … We don’t know eachother (yet) but I find out about little B3 from ready L&P’s post and what all the other bloggers did for you guys with the whole BOWL project for little B3 is just mind-blowing and so touching. I wish you all the best beST BEST … welcome to the world LUCKY LUKE:)
loosecannon2
Hey guys,
Welcome to the “Parenting World” & isn’t it glorious when watching Luke that through Love & Joy You Two made this AMAZING little PERSON! Again welcome to the world of Mama’s & Papa’s! We are so happy too have you on board.
Chelsea | The Whole Bite
So so precious! Every single picture is just wonderful, adorable and so full of love. Thank you for sharing and congratulations! So happy for you, Cynthia!
Jessica
he is a dream! so absolutely adorable, oh my gosh. so happy for you, love! xoxoxox
marymtf
That photo of Luke clutching someone’s finger – it must be a universal thing. I’ve done it with my children and grandchildren. It’s a lovely feeling. Enjoy your journey, you lucky lady.
Monica
Congratulations on your new arrival! He is adorable!! Sending you and your family much love and happiness.
Jane Y.
Oh I am just getting around to to blogs now – I saw your announcement on Instagram but am only seeing this poignant post today. Congratulations! Many many many warm hugs to you and B2 and B3. <3
janice
This post was so beautiful it made me cry. Super congratulations to you and B2. Welcome to the world, B3!