Overwhelmingly, pregnancy thus far has been a much more peaceful experience than I ever thought it would be. This isn’t to say that it’s been a total walk in the park (in case you’ve had or are having a rough one!) but before it all happened, I had fearful visions of hugging the toilet, or raging at B2, or doing both at the same time, nonstop for nine-point-five months. Thankfully, neither of those things has come to pass. If anything, with the exception of a few spectacular sobbing-laughing-hiccuping meltdowns (“I k-know I-I’m l-laughing but it’s not funny!”) I might even be a little bit more rational than my non-pregnant self, which is a bizarre development we never anticipated. Then again, my non-pregnant self once Donkey-Kong-ground-pounded a half-eaten bag of B2’s potato chips because he hates eating chip crumbs and I was mad. (This was not my proudest moment.) So maybe there was nowhere to go but up.
If there’s one thing that’s taken my baby-growing life by storm, though, it’s pregnancy brain. Was this as real for you as it is for me? Our apartment is beginning to look like a really boring reenactment of Memento — there are Post-Its all over the house, written by my past self and asking in accusatory caps: “IS THE AC OFF?” “IS THE OVEN OFF?” “DO YOU HAVE YOUR WATER BOTTLE?” like a stern, disembodied mother. And this is just a short list of the things that I (can remember that I) have forgotten, or lost, or missed:
- Turning off the AC
- Turning off the oven
- Turning on the oven
- My phone, in the parking garage at work
- My password to log in to the app that finds your phone
- My security pass, while retracing my steps back to my office to find my phone because I could not use the app that finds your phone
- My Costco grocery list
- My new Costco grocery list, somewhere in the middle of walking around Costco
- Highway exits
- Right turns
- Left turns
- Probably many things that should be on this list but have now been forgotten.